Understanding Alexithymia

There’s a name
for it.

Emotional colourblindness.

A trait that affects one in ten people, and goes unrecognised for most of a lifetime. You’re not cold. You’re not broken. You’re not choosing to be distant. You’re wired differently — and once you understand how, everything changes.

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What it is

Like colour blindness,
but for emotion.

Colour blindness

Someone who is colour blind isn’t blind. They see the world clearly — shapes, movement, depth, light. But an entire dimension of visual information that others take for granted simply doesn’t register.

Alexithymia

Your world is real. Your experiences are real. But the internal signal that tells most people what they’re feeling, why they’re feeling it, and what to do with that — either doesn’t arrive, or arrives as static.

A trait, not a disorder — like introversion. Affects roughly one in ten people. Significantly underdiagnosed.

Is this you?

You might recognise this.

These experiences are common for people with alexithymia. Read without judgement — you don’t need to identify with every one.

  1. 01 When someone asks how you feel, your honest answer is often “I don’t know” — not evasion, genuine blankness
  2. 02 You describe emotional situations in terms of events and facts, not feelings
  3. 03 Physical sensations — tightness, fatigue, restlessness — arrive without emotional labels attached
  4. 04 Others have called you cold or distant when you were simply at a loss
  5. 05 You can watch your own life with a kind of detached clarity, as if observing rather than participating
  6. 06 You can remember what happened in a significant moment, but not how it felt
You spent years not knowing
there was a name for this.
You don’t have to spend more years
not doing anything about it.

What’s inside

Two guides.
One honest conversation.

Written from the inside — by someone who spent twelve months in weekly sessions with a university research psychologist before they had language for what they’d been living with their entire life.

Guide One

For Those Who Live With It

  • What alexithymia actually is (and isn’t)
  • How to recognise it in yourself
  • The tests that can help you see it clearly
  • What’s happening in your body when emotions won’t surface
  • Practical strategies: emotional vocabulary, journalling, body-first mindfulness
  • How to talk about it — with partners, friends, therapists
  • What progress actually looks like

Guide Two

For Those Who Love Someone Who Does

  • Understanding the three gaps that create most of the pain
  • Why problem-solving is love — just in the wrong language
  • The withdrawal cycle that quietly destroys relationships
  • Communication adjustments that make a real difference
  • The hard questions: can this get better, and what if they won’t get help
  • What to look for in a couples therapist

Lived experience

Written from the inside.

At the movies, in the middle of a scene that had my partner in tears, I made a joke. Not to be cruel — I genuinely did not know what else to do. It was not indifference. It was a deer in headlights.
Written from the inside
I don’t hide it anymore. Honesty about it does more for connection than any amount of trying to perform emotions I don’t have access to. People adjust when they understand.
Written from the inside

Start this week

One guide for you.
One for the person who loves you.

The guide includes links to four free diagnostic tools — including the Perth Alexithymia Questionnaire and the Toronto Alexithymia Scale — so you can understand where you sit on the spectrum before you do anything else.

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  • Instant download
  • PDF, formatted for print
  • Secure checkout via Gumroad

Both written by someone who lived it.